Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
