Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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