Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
