The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
