NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
