whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
