I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
