i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
