Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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