She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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