i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
