how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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