I want to walk on stilts...naked
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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