So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
