You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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