my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
