I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
