I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
