I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
