I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
