Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
