I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
