How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
