The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
