I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
