he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
