Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
