i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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