I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
