i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
