I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
