i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
