YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
