bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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