it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
