I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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