Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
