im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
