you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
