I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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