I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
