Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
