I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is my gift to your gina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
