I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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