you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
