Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
