She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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