Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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