remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
