So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
