New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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