I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
