to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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